today

today it seems somewhat callous to breathe
with so much pain filling up weary lungs
what use is there in a beating heart
never before so very
broken in two

today the made-for-tv-movie that i swore i'd never live
has come to life
cliche lines
bad acting
poor lighting
and cheap sets

today ambushes me with all its loudness
and color
and the world spins on its merry axis
irreverent to loss
and my nails clawing at its dirt

today i hunger for integrity
search for dignity
rage at existence

today i don't want to
get things in order
pick up the pieces
retaliate
hurt

perhaps not tomorrow either