radio silence

only a handful of people will understand what this title means. i know what it means to me, i don't really know what it means in general. i've been meaning to look it up.

sometimes distance is the only way to figure things out and sometimes it's all about close proximity.

these days i can't decide what i want. i guess it all depends on the other person involved. but sometimes i want both distance and proximity with the same person. and sometimes neither provide clarity and i want the best of both worlds...that middle ground that is exciting and makes you lie awake thinking of the one thousand different outcomes all night long.

i finally hit a wall yesterday after my corpus adventures and crashed out at a normal human sleep time of 10pm. woke up feeling like i could sleep for another 8 hours but made myself get up and go to work. my body needs stretching. i really miss my yoga classes. i'm hesitant to start any in nashville because my schedule is so packed already.

i caught up with some wonderful people in houston. sometimes i don't realize how much i miss someone until i'm around them again.

i haven't made one. single. gocco. print. my obsession hasn't waned, but my days just seemed too full to have space to be creative. the machine and all the supplies are sitting on my dining table, ready and poised for action.

i love getting packages in the mail. it's my day of birth on saturday. i hope to get at least one package. i've always been childish about birthdays. maybe one day i'll grow out of it. i think the only reason i relish them so much is because when i was young my parents were NOT into them at all. i had to beg to have a party. it wasn't that they didn't want me to celebrate...they just thought birthday parties were all wrapped up in materialism and they didn't want to stress out my friends parents with the whole 'gift buying' drama. when i was 7 and living in wales i told all the kids in my classroom that my parents wouldn't let me celebrate my birthday so they all made me birthday cards in class because they felt sorry for me. this year i'm going to have brunch with some friends in a secret location. i haven't been given the details...fun!

hope all of you in cyber space are well and happy. luxuriating in the small gifts we are each given every day.

x

Radio silence

In telecommunications, radio silence is a status in which all fixed or mobile radio stations in an area stop transmitting. The radio stations include anything capable of transmitting a radio signal. Radio silence generally applies to the military, where any radio transmission may reveal troop positions, either audibly from the sound of talking, or by its use as a homing signal.

Thanks Wikipedia!

soaking in sunshine and smiles

the road trip begins

when in nashville, do as the tourists do.

what you don't see are the thirty people standing on the sidewalk waiting for this photo to be taken so they could keep walking...

flickr favorites

a poem that recently made it's way into my life.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

several things make me very happy.

eating raspberries on a beautiful spring day while listening to compilation cds made especially for me is one of them.

mum, stop worrying about me. :)

xg

so ready for texas

so...i didn't get a cowboy hat. but i did get a hat.

and a green suitcase.

and a bright red bikini.

so i'm ready.

bring on the sun.

xg

works for me

i nearly always have a piece of fruit in my bag...usually a crispy green apple that i carefully picked because it had no bruises. that is why i love this invention.

being present

these past few weeks i find myself constantly looking for something in the future to look forward to. A trip, a phone call, a purchase, an event of some sort...i'm finding it hard to just enjoy the moments as they happen and so this weekend is going to be about just that. being present. i just took a luxurious bath, set up my new bose system to play my favourite tracks, made a cup of tea, polished off the remains of a dark chocolate bar, and i received a call from two of my oldest friends in NZ.

i met elene when i first moved to timaru. she was in my class at south school and we bacame fast friends. amongst other things, we shared unusual names and feta cheese sandwiches. when i moved to gleniti school i missed my new friend but we were reunited in speech and drama classes with the infamous 'Denson'. i just realized that we have known each other for twenty years...wow.

and then there is justine who i've known about as long, our mothers became friends first i think, and we would see each other at various functions at another family friend's house...and then we ended up at the same highschool, hanging out with the same group of friends and having crushes on the same boys.

i have great memories of times with these amazing women and it was so good to hear their voices.

...and here is what happens when you are present. as i was typing up this little blog entry i got a call on my mobile from an 'unknown' number. i was hesitant to answer it, but i did. the call was for 'Garett'. Garett is the person who used to have my number. i get calls for him about once a week. it's always a bit sad when someone calls for Garett because i have to tell them that this isn't his number any more and you wonder why Garett never passed on his new details. i sometimes feel apologetic like i should know Garett. the calls haven't really bothered me. people get new numbers. people get old numbers. and i got Garett's number.

this woman who called didn't have a southern accent and for some reason we just started talking. i told her that this was no longer Garett's number and she said in passing that the reason she was trying to reach him is because he had expressed an interest in her screenwriting course. naturally, my ears pricked up at the words 'screen writer' and i told her about my background in film/media etc. and 40 minutes later i now have a new friend. she has been working in film in LA and Chicago for the past 10 years and now lives in Nashville and runs a screenwriting course which she has invited me to attend.

i'm so glad i picked up my phone.

i'm also happy that tomorrow i can sleep in and then spend two days doing whatever it is that i want to do. that is a luxury that i am not taking for granted.

xg

brightness and contrast

not feeling tired at all results in late night photoshop experiments:

i'm so american now.

two in the a.m.

this hour of the night is becoming all too familiar to me. i know i need sleep. but making that happen isn't as easy as it used to be.

problem is, i'm a big fan of sleep and not a big fan of waking up tired, so as you can imagine this is a bit of a predicament i am in.

there are several things i'm thinking about and in no particular order here they are:

it was my dad's birthday today. when we were young my mum would always make my dad a cake for his birthday and we'd eat it after dinner - it wasn't like the kind of cake that normal people eat because my dad didn't like stuff that was really sweet, and he also didn't like using butter in cooking because he was conscious of his cholesterol levels, so it was like a half sweet healthy cake. a bit dry perhaps, but i still recall it being delicious. especially with earl grey tea. (happy birthday dad).

i want to go to nyc some time this year. i need to figure out if my reasons are good enough.

in ten days i will be next to the ocean. this thought makes me very happy.

i have received all gocco supplies and the kit. all that i need is time to sit still and create. that time may be this weekend.

i am going to a baseball game tomorrow with work friends. i've never been to a baseball game...i'm looking forward to it. more than the game, i'm looking forward to getting to know the people i work with in an 'out of the office' setting.

i don't miss TV at all.

i do miss henry.

tick tock

this is my clock. i can't read the time on it easily but boy do i think it's great.

my new dangerous accessories

i love this watch.

found here

i don't know what was so funny but i love it.

i figured if i sat here long enough they would let me keep this brilliant chair. but no.

another etsy temptation

i love these film noir inspired portraits. the artist has drawn on the pages of mystery novels and purposefully left certain phrases legible.

see more here.

standing in neutral

this weekend was full to the brim of

seeking
learning
growing
working
laughing
crying
searching
understanding

two days, very well spent in the company of incredible women.

if you EVER get the chance to take the oneness workshop with kathy grammer, please do it. i can't emphasize this enough.

i took two days off work because jen is here so today we are going to hit murfreesboro...no real agenda except i'm taking my girls to yoga-on-the-square's gorgeous studio for a 4.30 class. that will be delicious i'm sure. i love how you don't really have to make any plans when you are with close friends. you just exist all together and somehow that is enough. more than enough.

i feel incredibly grateful today. grateful for this past weekend, grateful for little henry who finds the patch of sunlight on the carpet and basks in the warmth, grateful for having the next two days off to spend with two people who i adore, grateful for my gocco (lest we forget), grateful for having choices.

that last one is huge.

got a gocco

so today I finally purchased my very own gocco print.


can't wait to try it out.

i have big plans for it.