frag.men.ted.

last night m2 and i saw one of our favorite singer/songwriters at city hall- brandi carlile. seeing her live just reaffirmed how amazing she is - extremely talented, effortlessly beautiful - possessing grace and humility which is so endearing in a world saturated with ego. i love her voice. i especially love that she doesn't try to be cute or 'pretty' when she sings. she is raw and real and honest and so refreshing.

m2 took pictures and i'll post them as soon as she comes here for table time. it was so good spending time together yesterday. it is a relief when you don't have to put on a smile and try to fake it for the benefit of the other person. because they'd see right through the glazed eyes and say 'um no. you are not okay. tell me what is going on'.

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so i wrote it here
deleted it
and then sent it to you both
it wasn't meant for public display
i hope you received it with the love that it was offered with

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so many of my memories are attached to music
bic runga singing 'gravity' on repeat as i drove to work reminded me of this
how one chord, the first note can transport you to a place. a face. a sense of how it all was.
jen used to make us skip over mr. jones on the counting crows cd.
i didn't really mind since it was my least favorite track.
i totally understand now.
sometimes the immediacy of the memory is too much.

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your text message said you might be working in iraq next year
i don't think i know how to feel about that
in many ways i'm excited about what the future holds for you
there is so much potential there
but i'm also terrified.
and then i remember that it won't be my journey anymore
and i wonder if i'll ever not wonder
how you are
where you are
and if you are happy

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i need to reset
reconfigure
recharge
rejuvinate
relax
reinstate
refuel
replenish

all the 're' things basically.

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the table i am sitting at is cluttered with stuff. it's my fault. i've not been in the mood to put things where they belong. and for whatever reason i feel compelled to list them:

3 light bulbs
some dates
a bright blue bracelet
a hair tie
m2's mail
a stack of dvds
my digital camera
estella ipod
bose ipod speakers
a candle
a red plate
a check
my favorite mug
cell phone
silver earings
a map of tennessee
a glossy magazine
car keys
a pencil
sony laptop which annoys me with its incessant whirring sounds
mac laptop which is silent and therefore my favorite
black dangly earrings
my australian taxes

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