still so young to have travelled so far. old enough to know who you are. (crowded house distant sun)

i'm sitting at my table. i love this table. it is made with bamboo and dark wood. it seats four comfortably but could happily have eight squished around it, elbows rubbing together, sharing in love, laughter, a nice meal. i'd like to do that just once before i leave this apartment. have a dinner party. maybe 'fancy dress and funnel cakes' will be the theme.

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david gray 'shine' filling the air.
it is a beautiful song.
it might be one of the songs that goes on my 2008 soundtrack.

once f made us two compilation cd's. they were titled 'soundtrack for the interstates'. he created the covers using ticket stubs and photographs and bits and pieces from our roadtrip together across country. i knew the entire order of the songs on these cds. there wasn't a song i'd skip. it reminded me of sunshine. steering with knees. feet up on dashboard. breakfasts with entirely too many calories at cracker barrel.

and i wonder, what do you do with these things? the photographs and cards and emails and notes and gifts? the vase you purchased together in new york city. the prayer book inscribed with both names. the tangible reminders of something that no longer exists.

i've thought through the options. i'm thinking it all might be gathered in a box. to be buried. that might be the gentlest, kindest resolution.

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marabeth just made us her speciality drink. it's endearingly called 'nut nog' and it is heavenly. it is comfort and contentment in liquid form.

hot steamy almond milk blended with natural peanut butter, agave, cinnamon...mmm

sugar free & chocolate free. and yet perfectly delicious.

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jen jack rabbit has been by my side since saturday noon. i love the fact that on friday we talked about the possibility of her flying in for the weekend and the next day there she was. twinkling eyes, four inch red heels and all. it's been so great having her here. the three of us spent practically every evening together when we lived in haifa. now, nearly eight years later, the dynamic has not changed at all. complete openess, love and tender care. we are soul sisters. fluid and easy. conversation flows. silences never awkward. actions never premeditated. like the blood in my veins these two women are intrinsically part of me. part of my journey.

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ladan flies in tomorrow night. i am already looking forward to curling up on the couch and catching up on the twelve months since we saw each other last.

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you say you're proud of me.
i'm not entirely sure why.
but everytime you say it, i believe you.
thank you for your words.
my heart felt better afterwards.

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i have decided that it is okay to spend money on things i love. like the journal i purchased over the weekend. it was perhaps overpriced but had a soft suede green cover with silver embossing. it is so beautiful that the words i will fill it with do not do justice to it's exterior but that's okay. when i look at it i see beauty. i want to fill my life with more beauty. it is coming. candles were a brilliant start. more to follow.

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i would like a book to get lost in. or a recommendation of a book i can get lost in.
a good story.
please submit ideas :)

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tonight jen drew a bird. the operative word being 'drew'. she never claimed to be an artist. and let's face it, birds are not easy to draw on the best of days. but anyway her efforts in rendering a bird caused me to laugh so much that my stomach hurt and tears spilled down my face. this weekend also had me lying on the floor of a dressing room in a fancy botique trying to do up a pair of jeans that were definitely a size (or three) smaller than what i needed. i looked up into the faces of my two friends laughing with me and i didn't want to be anywhere else, doing anything else.

moral of the story - laughter is good. need more of it in my day.