a distraction from being ravenous.

since friday morning marabeth and i have been on the 'ph miracle' cleanse.

the main premise of the 'pH miracle' is that our health depends on the pH balance of our blood. the optimum balance is 80% alkaline, 20% acidic. with all the sugar/chemically altered/processed foods we eat, these levels are often messed up resulting in all kinds of health problems. sticking to this diet supposedly changes the chemistry of your blood and balances the pH levels...thus resulting in a healthier, happier you. could i sound more like an infomercial? probably not.

the back cover of the book says the cleanse 'reduces impurities, normalizes digestion and metabolism.' what it fails to mention is that you become so hungry you are willing to gnaw off your own arm. that you never want to see another cucumber again. and that celery is really overrated.

the highlight of the past three days have been the almonds that i've been eating. which is 'cheating' since we are only supposed to have certain vegetables and that's it. we are also supposed to liquify everything but both Maz and I agree that a meal is NOT a meal if you can't chew it.

in case you want to live through the past three days vicariously through me (i wouldn't really recommend it), here is a brief synopsis:

day one:
7am woke up very excited about the cleanse
bounced into the kitchen and drank my lemon juice/cayenne pepper concoction
felt better already

9am drank the 'healing soup' (basically a broth of cucumber/celery/cilantro/garlic/ginger)
9.05am i am so hungry. my stomach starts eating itself. asks me where the regular breakfast of tea and cookie is.

12pm lunch was more 'healing soup' and a salad with no dressing. the salad does have half an avocado on it.
i decide avodados are my best friend.
BIM eats hot steaming bbq ribs in the cubicle next to me. i shoot daggers at him through the cubicle partition.
i want to curl up under my desk and sleep.

REST. OF. THE. DAY: cannot concentrate. lemon water and cayenne is being consumed in large quantities. my eyes are bloodshot. i am shivering with cold and aching all over. i want caffienne and I NEED sugar. i realize i'm addicted to both and feel a bit like the poor people on 'interventions' when they are going through withdrawals. I'd read in the book that you feel worse before you feel better. the book wasn't lying.

day two:
wake up feeling apathetic about breakfast (more healing soup) so i don't bother.
spend all morning deciding what i'm going to eat as soon as i'm off the 'dumb' cleanse
decide that the author of the dumb cleanse had stocks in celery and tomatoes since that is all i can eat.
11am eat a bowl of gazpacho (pureed cucumber/fresh tomato with celery, garlic and cilantro) topped with avocado
11.05am feel immense gratitude for avocados
11.09am finished my bowl of gazpacho but i don't feel like i've eaten anything for weeks.
11.10am eat a handful of almonds
11.11am eat another handful of almonds
11.12am go for my third handful of almonds and decide to leave the house
stay busy running errands, treking around the mall, go to a movie and try to ignore the smell of popcorn.
7pm go to holley's place and raid her 'nut' jar for as many almonds as I can pluck out. accidentally eat a few peanuts. they taste AMAZING.
11pm come home and crawl into bed

day three:
wake up and actually feel refereshed and energized
sun is shining (this helps my mood too)
9am gazpacho for breakfast with half an avocado. also added some flax seeds. it tastes really good. for a minute i wonder if i should do the cleanse for the full week (that is what the book recommends)
10am work on common ground stuff, super productive, run more errands. feeling good.
3pm hit a wall of fatigue and hunger
3.10pm driving home i call maz and ask her one good reason why i shouldn't pick us up a large pizza. she reminds me this is the final day of this madness.
3.30pm come home and eat a huge salad. more almonds. and some steamed edamame. these are not technically on the cleanse but it was either that or start to whimper.
5.23pm write on my blog as a distraction. decide to go for a walk and make the most of the first hints of spring in nashville.