did you know that five feet is also 1.1 Alaskan moose antler spans?

or that five inches is 16 dry basmati rice grains end to end?

well now you too can know all these wonderful useless measurements and more. check out sensible units.

speaking of measurements, i was out with friends tonight at cafe coco and we were discussing how much honey was in marlee's drink. how do you measure something like that when you don't use a spoon? well dear readers, you measure it in seconds of squeezing. supposedly this is what bartenders do when creating drinks...count as they pour the liquor. who knew? not i.

in conclusion, her drink contained a three second squeeze.

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favorite conversation of the day:

'that's holley, her daughter ruby, and her brother-in-law, ferraby lionheart'
'WHAT? who did you say that was!?'
'ferraby. ferraby lionheart'
'no way. i have SUCH a man crush on him'

later (after i'd introduced them)

'so why didn't you tell him about your huge man crush?'
'i didn't feel the timing was appropriate'

text of the day that made me want to be where they were:

'waiting with andy to see this 'variety show' in the most random theater: andy says its: 'alice in wonderland + arrested development + jazz club', we have no idea what's going to happen, and the flier advertised jazz, fun and titties. we are nervous to say the least'.

**

yesterday we had a 'phone training session' at work because we are getting new phones. you would think that since we are all college graduates in my office we would have somewhat of a clue about how to operate a phone. but i guess they have little faith in that being the case so i traipsed (very reluctantly) to the training. i wouldn't normally be so apathetic about something like this but i was going on very minimal sleep and keeping my eyes open was akin to feeling like they were being scorched with smores on a stick. not pleasant.

whine. whine. whine.

so anyway, marabeth had saved me a seat next to her. this was probably the first bad move. secondly, due to my lack of sleep i was hysterical. not hysterical as in 'crying and emotional and irate' but more in the version where everything is hysterical. especially the stuff that is in no way funny. like the fact that the person training us had rings of purple eyeshadow around her eyes. HYSTERICAL. and that when we 'mock' called each other one of my colleagues whispered 'what are you wearing?' over the phone in a creepy stalker voice. HYSTERICAL. you get the picture.

so i'm giggling obnoxiously and not paying attention to the all important instructions. like how to hang up a call. UHM lady? if you tell me the 'goodbye' button is what hangs up a call ONE. MORE. TIME. i'm not going to be able to handle it in a mature way. I get it. goodbye equals no more call. it's very clear. STOP reiterating the obvious. so this is the internal gnashing of teeth dialogue i have going on in my head right?

next she tells us about the 'option' button. so as marabeth and i are sharing a phone i decide to explore this feature as it sounds like the ONLY part of the training that might be interesting. the first option is language. deviant that i am i decide to change the language to french.

and now we are in trouble. or Écouter. because we cannot get the phone back to normal. it is speaking to us in french. all the menu items are in french. and i am DYING of laughter. the entire 'class' is distracted by my antics. the purple panda eyed instructor comes over all no nonsense. she jabs at the phone furiously and definitely is missing the hilarity of my dilemma. i'm still giggling uncontrollably while marabeth is shooting me looks that scream: 'please pull yourself together before you get kicked out'.

this just made me laugh more.

finally the instructor figured it out and i wasn't allowed to touch the phone again.

did i really just turn 29?

**

tonight we went to movies in the park. they were playing alfred hitchcock's 'the birds'. it was nice to sit with friends, ignore the sticky heat and watch this classic. next week it's goonies. can't wait.

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