abundant overuse of exclamation points forgiven...

in lieu of words, these patterns are how i feel.

i could spend hours here

june's chalkboard wall sums it up.

the love fest continues...

when i was oh, about fifteen, i met a boy named ryan lash who was travelling in nz from canada. he was a vegan and he took lots of pictures. he switched his pants with a friend of mine - the reason for this evades me now - but after this event we lovingly gave him the nickname 'pants'. because we new zealander's are super original and creative like that. ryan and i have weaved in and out of each other's lives ever since. he has many a time offered to get on a plane and break some knee-caps, and i kept vigil by his bed in the hospital in israel when he was sick with malaria. he put up with marabeth and i when we forced him to take glamour shots of us (complete with fan we set up to blow our hair back) and i put up with his lankiness.

the other day it was ryan's birthday. i nearly forgot because i now rely on facebook too heavily. and facebook didn't inform me of this event. although it manages to tell me everyday about yet another annoying 'what kind of zombie are you?' application that i am not - read my lips - interested in adding to my profile. and for that matter, no i will not rate your 'hotness' or take your 'survey to see if our musical tastes match so we should be soulmates' quiz. i might take you up on your offer to play scrabulous. but i've been known to be a fickle competitor who plays consistently for a few days and then drops off the face of the earth when i can't figure out a way to use 'z' for a triple letter score.

but i digress.

ryan visited me for about ten days at the beginning of june. it was so great to have him right here. not a zillion miles away in some dusty village (which i'm making sound lame, but in all reality was probably a thousand times more exciting than wherever i was). it had been far too long since we had inhabited the same patch of earth but as he's been traveling to 18 countries in the past year alone, he has been a little preoccupied. and as he reminds me, constantly, i haven't made the effort to be where he is. this is a sore point. but he forgives me because he has to. afterall, i was the one who chased down the israeli nurses when his iv ran out of fluids and started sucking the blood OUT of his arm. which basically means i saved his life.

the other thing about ryan lash is that he is the kevin costner (thanks anjali) bacon of the baha'i world. that whole 'six degrees of separation' thing? you could totally do that with ryan. everyone knows him, or knows someone who knows him, or wants to know him. i could put you all out of your misery and tell you that he's overrated and not worth knowing. but that would be a bold face lie.

ryan lash is one of my best friends and though i constantly threaten to kick him in the shins, i would be lost without him.

happy birthday old man.

x

love.ninja

i just got off the phone with a good friend, who just a few nights ago, surprised me with the news that she is getting married! today she filled me in on all the wonderful, exciting details and i am so incredibly elated for her! (you can gauge my level of excitement by the use of two exclamation points so far and the fact that i'm resisting dotting the end of each sentence with them). i loved hearing the unbridled joy in her voice as she told me about the whirlwind of meeting, realizing, deciding. that sense of awe at finally finding what she has been looking for - her complement, best friend, helpmate, love.

i don't believe that there is just 'one' perfect person out there for each of us. but i do think that there are instances where two people meet and everything fits together so effortlessly and easily that it just 'makes sense' to be together. to them, and to those around them. and not just that is is a 'sensible' move according to the rules we have in our heads, but that our hearts wouldn't have it any other way. i think about all the decisions, big and small, that occur in order for two people who 'complement' to cross paths. for the timing to be right. and for that connection of hearts to occur. surely, there are miracles in that process.

b, i'm so happy for you. i can't wait to meet the lucky man that has captivated your heart.

x

anisa tahireh

i will always remember the day you were born. i could barely contain my excitement. high school classes held none of my attention as i waited for your arrival. a call to the office. a call to the hospital. i don't remember how i got there but i do remember holding you in my arms. amazed at how tiny and how perfect you were. a crown of dark hair, big expressive eyes, pink lips. i fell in love instantly.

i once found you in my room having mashed all my lip glosses together. i was unimpressed to say the least. you were only four when i left for uni and i still feel like i missed big milestones.

i cannot quite wrap my head around the fact that you are fifteen. what happened in the time in between? you were, just yesterday, a little girl with a cascade of jet black ringlets down your back. strangers would stop us to exclaim at how gorgeous you were. now i can talk to you about everything. a total fashion plate, i love your laugh and sense of adventure.

i carry you in my heart. happy birthday beautiful girl.

love,
go

possibly. maybe. falling. for you.

a little note for you

subtle?
not at all
i'm left spinning
like a child who has eaten too much sugar
i can't hit pause
a treasure trove of memories already created
bouncing to open the door in plaid argyle shorts
a room plastered with post its
you walked in with orange flowers, a mango and a peach
helpless giggles
the sound of my name sweetest from your lips
subsisting on frozen blueberries
ichat we have modified to isleep
and i wake you two hours too early
to a 'good morning beautiful girl'
brown eyes lost in blue
we count down
subtle?
not at all

keepers

feeling stifled, my patience wearing thin i crept out of the room unnoticed. wandered around campus listlessly and found a door ajar – melodies streaming out. inside, head bent over the keys, you played. passionately, violently, consumed by the instrument, unaware of me leaning in the doorway. i was mesmerized. we spoke, you later reminded me, earlier that day. about literature and film and the things only you and i cared to talk about, whilst others compared watches they had received as graduation gifts.

words tided us over ten years with only a handful of days in each others presence. your words were always my favorite. and besides my mother, i’m pretty sure i’m your biggest fan.

“Do not ever come to Vienna unless you are with someone whose hand you're happy to hold and whose face you don't mind on your pillow. I mean this. This is a stern warning. It's far too beautiful and far too romantic to be taken lightly.”

“Catastrophist is a word someone should seriously invent.”

“Rain exists somewhere in the air before it falls to the earth.”

“As far as phantoms go
You are the epitome.
Translucent and existent in distant photographs
I almost can't recall.”

i knew as i watched you that afternoon that you were not destined to be a mere acquaintance. and now, a decade later, i’m still in awe of the profound love i have for you.


















and then there is you. with embers trapped in your mermaid locks. (yes, i’ll back Q up. there are flickers of red. accept it).

when we first met, your eyes flashed with curiosity and you made sure I knew exactly who you were. it wasn’t up for question, your position was stated. but as swiftly as you laid your claim, you extended an invitation. a flea market. ‘let’s meet’ you suggested. so amongst the treasures we traipsed until we finally found each other. an all-too-brief exchange but somehow, in that moment, as the sun streamed down, I recognized a shared vision. an exuberant love for life that matched my own. a sister in spirit.

in my heart i carry snapshots of moments that were created amongst a handful of days. late night conversations at bosch. the endless hunt for the perfect high tops. introduction to my greatest addiction. my heart once broke for you and i sent him on the mission to make you smile. a video of you singing Tyrese's "Sweet Lady" watched on repeat. the most awkward rendition of Ben Harper’s ‘Ashes’ that has ever existed, inspired by you.

and so it was like all the constellations aligned when two of my favorites met each other. i love my birthday gift from you both. thank you.

happy birthday country DAVE!

wowed by wordle

make your own

love = gravity

i'm supposed to be asleep. the plan was 9.30pm lights out. it's 11.16pm and though i'm in bed, i'm definitely not even close to being asleep, in fact i don't even feel remotely tired. this is a dilemma i've faced my whole life. i get into bed and i'm wide awake. i know i'll be exhausted tomorrow morning...but right now i feel like i could solve mensa puzzles all night long. i think perhaps i'm crepuscular...except for the part about being active at dawn. i'm a big fan of dusk however, and it seems that as soon as the sun goes down my energy levels peak again and i'm ready to conquer the world. i also just wanted to use the word crepuscular in this post because, admit it, it's a fantastic word.

so as i was lying here being not asleep, i was thinking tonight about all the various paths i could take. it's a bit overwhelming to consider all the options and all the big and little decisions that could change the entire course of my life.

i've learned that my intuition and instincts need more airtime. i am big on 'thinking things through'. my whole life i've made exhaustive pros and cons lists whenever making a decision...but i i've finally realized that my heart, or my soul, or whatever creates that little 'voice' inside, will never guide me wrong.

i'm allowing myself to be a lot more heart-ruled these days. so far it feels amazing but also a little scary. it's a liberation from constantly assessing and calculating, from over-analyzing and underestimating. but it also involves being authentic. saying what i want to say. allowing myself to feel it all. not holding back. in other words, being entirely vulnerable. and lo and behold, i've realized i'm not very good at that.

which leads me to el oh vee ee. love. i think i've been a little scared of love in the past. i felt like it would take away from my independence, that it might mean some loss of self. i could easily love my friends but loving the person closest to me was not as effortless. as i type i realize how odd this must sound but i was reluctant to embrace the emotion with sheer abandon, and i always had a plan b up my sleeve or an escape route of some sort already established.

at this juncture i am choosing to face and dismantle the silly rules i created and allow myself to release, revel, bask and delight in love. in loving and being loved. i feel like i've finally opened my eyes and the view from up here is breathtaking.

hugs. and the need for more of them.

one of my most favorite things is receiving real mail. yesterday i came home to a package that warmed my heart containing these little hugging salt and pepper shakers.

they are adorable. as is the sender of the package.

ten things...

10 significant moments that make me feel insignificant. but not in a bad way.

1. seeing clouds from above
2. standing on an ocean shore
3. lying on grass looking up at a vast blue sky or the stars
4. hearing my favorite music live
5. walking around the slums in karachi, pakistan, under the searing heat
6. standing in the middle of a crowded intersection in delhi, india absorbing the cacophony of sound and smells
7. hands on a belly of a friend feeling her baby move around inside the womb
8. standing at the foot of mt. carmel, in haifa, israel
9. holding a handful of warm sand and let it trickle through my partially open fist
10. the nyc skyline

*

10 luxuries i love

1. massages
2. high thread count sheets
3. fresh berries
4. pedicures
5. sleeping in
6. organic produce
7. swanky hotels
8. phenomenal hair cuts
9. long showers
10. moleskin journals

*

leaving on a jet (but more like a toy) plane

as far as airports go, nashville's airport features on my list of 'top ten airports i can tolerate'. i don't have a list of favorite airports, because frankly, i'm not a big fan of any of them what with their uncomfortable-as-possible-definitely-not-nap-facilitating-seats, flooring patterns that are just a little too loud, overpriced food and the waiting. dear god, the waiting. i think waiting is one of my least favorite activities. up there with taking my car in for servicing and ironing shirts.

and just like the city of nashville itself, this airport isn't aesthetically interesting or cutting edge but it has its own charm. it's not complicated, it's manageable sized, has a straightforward floor plan, an essential starbucks, friendly staff - admittedly some, like 'Prince' at the TSA desk this morning, perhaps a little too friendly, but it's one of those non intimidating airports where you can whisk in 30 minutes before your flight and still make it to your gate on time, even picking up bbq on the way. if you were here you might also want bbq for breakfast. don't judge me.

i find the latest renovation efforts endearing. like the stage they've built for example, complete with lighting and a smooth black curtain backdrop. i guess there are people who might enter music city and actually expect to hear music as they get off the plane - and you know what, nashville's airport aims to please. then there is the seating area that features a huge flat screen tv that is set to the country music channel. in case you forget where you are, which is, the home of country music. and then just to really make sure you know that you are indeed in nashville, tennessee - because the plethora of shops selling cowboy hats and boots might not have pushed this point home already, there are announcements over the PA by the likes of phil vassar and dolly parton that welcome you and tell you some of the highlights of this city. like, wait for it, the country music hall of fame.

nashville is proud of it's claim to country music. in case you didn't notice.

i'm flying to dc today for work and play. the work part involves going to see RAIN: the beatles experience. this show is coming to my theater in a couple of months so i need to preview it so i know what it is exactly that i'm marketing. at this stage, i think it's a beatles cover band. but maybe there is more to it. i'll keep you posted because i know the curiosity is killing you.

the play part is the fact that i'm staying through till sunday to see some friends and absorb a dose of one of my favorite cities. i'm excited about the things that i can't get in nashville. like urban outfitters, h&m, a decent hair cut etc.















i love the travel component of my work but i'm also glad it is limited to once every couple of months. when i was younger i wanted to be a travel writer just so i could travel the world non stop. but then i realized i'd always be working and could never really 'enjoy' the destination like you can when you are on vacation. plus there is that whole not liking airports business so the novelty wore off before the dream became a reality.

what i have realized is that although i love traveling, it is infinitely better with a team mate, your best friend, your partner in crime. i'm excited to have 'someone' to travel with again. someone who will let me lean on them and sleep while they keep vigil so we don't miss the boarding call, someone who will make sure i am hydrated, someone who will not roll their eyes when i want to do the in-flight magazine crossword with them. in PEN no less. and most importantly someone who will hold my hand and say a silent prayer with me during take off and landing.

smitten part II

subject line: i wish...
i had known you when i was a little boy, when you were six and half and i was four and a half. i would have chased you around the merri-go-round. and probably splashed water on you. i would have put sand in your hair and sprinted away to initiate a chase. and then, when we had both worn ourselves into the ground, i would have shared my juicebox with you and probably stared at you for a little too long. i would have told your friends to tell you that i that you were pretty.
i need to find a time machine.

*

dear d.h.g,

i feel like the luckiest.

love,

g.l

list-o-mania

list of superfluous things that my perfect restaurant experience would include

the option of lime instead of lemon with my water
aesthetically pleasing and perfectly weighted silverware
friendly wait staff that enjoy what they do. or at least don't loathe being there.
low level lighting
seating comfortable enough to sit cross legged if i was so inclined
any menu that offers me bisque as a soup option
interesting, but not overly distracting, art on the walls. same goes for music.
little booths. or little rooms.
clever combination's that i've never before heard of, like guava butter.
wild flower centerpieces. if i see one plastic flower/foliage/tree in the corner pretending to be a real inside tree, it's a deal breaker.
pretty much any dish that features aioli.


list of words beginning with 's' that i have an affinity for:

spackle
smitten
smooch
serendipity
spartan
sassafras
spry
scarab. not to be confused with scab. which is definitely not a word i have an affinity for.
superfluous
sliver

list of things i have a somewhat love/hate relationship with:

shower caps
tv
itrip
walmart
chewing gum
my old macbook
button down shirts
lip gloss
socks
facebook
air conditioning
non stick pans
swimming pools
newspapers
sand
band aids
airports
on line board games
artichokes

bits o' bonnaroo

can you tell i'm happy to be here?

if you haven't watched the movie once then this is another reminder that you need to stop everything else you're doing and watch it.

children of the eighties unite

correction

the adorable dog you see here is called sawyer not 'soyer' as i've been spelling it.

i know that the way i've been spelling it is not the obvious way to spell sawyer but i was confused.

the conversation went something like this:

'what's his name?'

'insert the name that sounds like soyer/sawyer'

'oh, like tom sawyer'

'no. he's named after the guy from lost'

(i've never seen lost)

'so, is that different to tom sawyer?'

(i can't remember the rest of the conversation but i definitely recall some discussion about soy beans. and courtney is a vegetarian so it all made sense. somehow.)

so then I guess I just figured it was 'soyer'.

but it's not.

you can all sleep much better now.