chit. chat.

first thing yesterday morning:
(talking on the phone to london)
"take a right on 12th"
"i love that you are my GPS right now"

still yesterday morning:
(i'm late. i watch my shuttle leave. it's pouring down with rain. i walk across the street and get on another shuttle)

"excuse me miss where are you headin'?"
"across the bridge"
"you can't go on this shuttle."
"why? don't you go across the bridge?"
"yes."
"great. that's where i need to go."
(about to sit down)
"no. sorry miss."
(other passengers stare in disapproval)
"sorry what?"
"this shuttle has a door on the left hand side."
"yeah..so?"
"well you have to catch the shuttle with the door on the right hand side."
"um. it's raining. that shuttle already left. i really don't care which side the door is on. i can cross the street."
"no. sorry. you have to wait for your shuttle. for the right hand door shuttle."
(he emphasizes 'right'. as if that is going to make this whole ridiculous situation make sense)
"are you serious? grrr."
(i storm off the shuttle indiganantly and wait in the rain for LEFT hand door shuttle)

yesterday sometime:
'i'm striking out and freaking out'

one o'clock today:
"goalreeez where are you?"
"um. in nashville clothing company."
"i KNEW it."
"come help me..."
"you're ridiculous"
"i know. but i need you"
"you're terrible. okay i'm crossing six lanes of traffic"
"k. see you in a minute"
"goalreeeeeez!"
"i'm in the changing room. come in here."
(examines the outfit)
"um. you are not rough enough to pull off that top."
"yes i am."
"no. no you're not. i could rock it. but not you."
"i can too."
(re-assesses the situation)
"only if you wear jeans. with holes. (looks down at bright red satin heels) AND FLATS."
"i can wear jeans. with holes. but i'm not wearing flats."

one fifty five pm:
(making a scene at starbucks)
"um. how about next time you tell me the story you START with the most imporant part instead of just throwing it in casually in the final hour? can we try that just ONE time?"

one fifty nine pm:
"morals shmorals"

two thirty:
"this woman is my nemesis"
"you already have a nemesis?"
"yes. yes i do."

fourish:
"so you can park at Suntrust bank and get your parking pass validated"
"and it's free?"
"yep"
"you don't have to be a Suntrust customer?"
"nope"
"so why would i park over the bridge when i can just do that?"
"because you like the walk?"
"i do like the walk"
"yep"
"but i'm probably going to make the most of this new information"
(pause)
"sinner"

the window on the driver's side. yeah. it decides it doesn't want to go up.

2+3=5

the first time i really 'met' m2 i was at my first minor league baseball game. it was a caa organized event and i ended up sitting next to m2, jc and diddy and we all shared a funnel cake. several things happened as a result of that evening. i'm sure i clogged at least one artery with the funnel cake deliciousness and now i'm a bit obsessed with them. second of all, i became friends with m2 who shortly after, became my roomie, and soonafter that, one of my closest friends.

over the course of the past three months we have definitely experienced each other go through every range of emotions but looking back what i remember most is a lot of laughter. whether it was hunting down 'zilla's', doing fashion shows, eating a bag of snap pea crisps for dinner, or hating every second of 'the cleanse'...there was always hilarity involved. even work became a party for us, and the drain of ticket counts was offset by our sitcom-script adventures.

there were several weeks where we didn't sleep much. we'd go from work to a show and then home, only to stay up till 3am, and feel it the next morning at work. but we'd start the day with tea and a peanut butter bars and do the whole cycle all over again. i really don't know how we kept up this pace. i am just thankful for the free supply of redbull in the office.

if you've read my blog in recent months chances are you've probably already fallen in love with m2. she is honest, smart, effortlessly stylish and a catalyst for fun. table time will not be the same without her swinging her laptop around to show me pictures, sharing stories from our day, or introducing me to some amazing music - which is her passion and not just because 'that's what people do' in nashville but because she genuinely cares about the inner workings of the industry. she also does excellent impersonations and is the best person to drive through sketchy parts of the city with because she reminds me that i'm not in NZ anymore and pulling over to ask for directions at a gas station that has 7 cop cars parked outside probably isn't the smartest move.

so m2.

i hope you smile all day tomorrow.

happy HAPPY birthday.

x

holding on.

when i was little i would sometimes get stomach aches. usually from eating too many unripe plums. anyway. if it was really bad i would crawl into my parents bed - my mum's side - and somehow that made it feel better. my dad, being a doctor, seemed to also have a magic touch. he would put his hand flat on my belly and tap on it, and listen. to this day, i'm not sure what he was listening for, or even if this is an actual medical procedure. but it seemed to work. i'd always feel better. he uses this same tapping technique to pick out the best watermelons. i tried it myself in the store the other day - i tapped away at the watermelons but heard no difference between them. and got plenty of weird stares. the one i picked ended up being average. so i obviously need to work on my technique.

all this to say, i have a stomach ache right now. it won't go away.

it might have started about the time when i realized that i did NOT book the venue for the huge on sale event i have planned for an upcoming show. this is bad news. very. bad. news. because now the venue is being used by the ballet and i have no where to hold my event. i think at that point my stomach tied itself in knots that will not be undone, not even by a whole troup of boy scouts.

i thought this week would be slower. calmer. easier to keep up with. but no. i've already been booked for lunch every day of the week and there are meetings around all the lunch meetings, and then afternoon and early morning meetings around those, and oh perhaps in the five minutes of my day i'm not in a meeting i can get my actual work done.

i shouldn't be complaining. i love being busy. i love being challenged by my work. but i do crave moments where i feel like everything is under control. i never have that feeling lately.

okay. enough with the whining. onto the good stuff...

i made more money in two hours than i make in a day by being the "face" of the united methodist church. long story. but basically i was a 'presenter' on this DVD they are creating for some big national conference. they asked me to read the teleprompter in a "magazine news journalist style". i did my best. but there is only so much vivaciousness and energy you can have when you have to talk about finding seat allotments in the main hall and silencing pagers and other electronic devices.

i am looking forward to marabeth starting work on monday. people raise eyebrows when i tell them that we are going to be working together and living together. what they don't realize is that we have done this before. a year and a half in israel. and it was easy. we balance each other out. she is calm, has her feet firmly on the ground, sensible and i'm well, i'm not consistently any one of those three...so it works out. underneath her poised exterior she is also one of the funniest people i know. we constantly laugh. it doesn't matter what mundane activity we are involved in, we find a way to make it funny. just observe us in the supermarket aisles. you'll see.

i'm also glad to be going to monteagle, tennessee at some point this weekend.
should be a great escape.
a much needed break and a chance to catch my breath.

*

today i finished off a jar of peanut butter that he had bought.
a huge jar to have lasted so many months.
oh america - when you say 'bulk', you really don't mess around.
i am surprised it lasted this long especially as m2 and i lived off pb&j for several weeks.
it was weird throwing out the empty jar though.
one more remnant.
gone.

*

rain exists somewhere in the air before it falls to the earth

portrait (the only space I have)
- q.m.noakhtar

as far as phantoms go
you are the epitome.
translucent and existent in distant photographs
i almost can't recall.
your lips are the shade of ghosts;
only your eyes sometimes speak to me.
your voice is a distant murmur-
like sitting out at night and hoping to hear the stars whimper
or the alien-mumbling of 3 am radio band hosts.
an empty paddock
a perfect auricle of an ear
sometimes when i tap keys or hold pens
i feel your fingers in advance
a premonition.
as far as phantoms go
you haunt too.
i remember the word green from a letter you wrote;
and i'd forgotten that i love rain because you taught me to.
i can't discuss your meaning,
you are a mime to me,
a silent-movie character escaped
a silhouette of yesterday
the residue of pasts and memories and hopes.dreams.futures
lost and traded and abandoned and distorted and hurt and bruised
and weakened and beat to a pulp and won and saved and flown to find
hands to hold and redeemed.
the condensation of seconds-
the surplus of my soul i cannot secure within me-
you sip the top of my cup.
the voyeur perhaps.
the echo
the click that ends days and starts seasons
the colour grey of rained-on cement

songs about trains
- collisions
- space-odyssey's
- all the fear that binds men

songs about winter
- the rattles of glass
- the Morse code of rain drops
as it spells out
all a man might need to know.

i picked up pen for the first time to draw you.
i failed then and i fail now.
i dreamed once of death,
i fell and floated in the tallest grass.
i left and had no where to go


hurry, your train's leaving.left

poems and pieces of the puzzle

last night there was a big gala event at tpac. the theme was french riviera. lots of white tuxedos, oversized flashy jewelry and money in the room. events like that always remind me of my childhood and going to dinner parties with the other doctor's families and their circle of friends. as a kid i was fascinated by adult conversation, how the wives were so poised and the big elaborate houses. i would often find another friend who was my age and we'd find a way to entertain ourselves. i first met justine at one of these parties held at a mutual family friend's home. i don't remember what trouble we got up to but i have a blurry memory of trying to sneakily sip some wine with her...

in maine i had a summer catering job that got me access into the lavish parties that people-who-have-more-money-than-they-know-what-to-do-with throw. the houses were incredible, filled with antiques and art...with views of the ocean and huge manicured gardens. many of the 'hosts' would only come to maine for two weeks in the summer, throw a big party and leave again. it drove me crazy that these homes sat there empty for most of the year. such a waste of amazing space. catering taught me a lot - mostly how to deal with snobbery. a taste of what it would have been like in a society that was still predominantly divided into classes. in those situations i was always 'staff' and they were 'guests' so often my smiles were met with glares of annoyance or just a dismissive wave of the hand. i will never forget the woman who, when i offered her melon wrapped in prosciutto, looked down at me and said in the most patronizing tone, 'let me tell you something. i just picked up this outfit over the weekend in paris, it fits me perfectly and i'm not about to ruin that with one of those. don't ask again.'

yeah. it took a very deep breath for me to freeze my smile and walk away when all i wanted to do was pitch my tray at her UGLY dress.

anyway. i had a great time last night - was a little bit dissapointed not to have an extra $1800 lying around because there was a gibson electric guitar in bright blue that i was kind of attached to. i was in charge of auctioning off the guitars which was funny since all i knew about them was that one was red and one was blue. but as the evening went on i struck up conversation with the songwriter/musicians in the room and found out other key points. like one was a bass and one wasn't. and one of them was identical to what the guy from ac/dc has.

came home to find jc and m2 crashed out on my bed. i was more than a little creeped out but then m2 told me that they had expected me home hours ago when i had called them to say i was leaving and so they were waiting on my bed to share in our family adventures of the night...but i had taken a spontaneous 3 hour detour and so by the time i got home they had crashed out...pretty cute huh.

**
hello universe,
these are the things i currently need more of in my life:

picnics in parks
star gazing
almond butter
surprises
hugs
longer weekends
clarity
long walks at dusk
cooler temperatures - i'm done with the novelty of 100+ degrees thankyouverymuch
h20
yoga classes
a day to devote to my gocco print

**

do i have permission to put the poem you emailed me in this space?
or is it only to be read on days when it rains so hard that the beat of the rain matches a heart beating with anticipation. so loudly that you think your ribs will be bruised on the inside from its pulse?

**

the best picture ever. thanks to JC. hilarious.

nashville knows how to party

last night was caa's young nashville party
500 people
hot summers night
lots of fun
i showed up at 11
left at 2
and spent all day at work wishing i was still in my bed

...september's coming soon...

so m2 and i went on a long walk
in one hundred degree weather
and then decided to disregard all rules
and go night swimming
we were not put off by the big closed sign
or the fact that the gate to the pool was locked
we climbed the fence
(we are getting good at this)
and it was so worth it.
the water was
deliciously cool
and we tried not to laugh too loudly
because we were sure we'd hear the 'voice' that would reprimand us for our flagrant disobedience
so we plotted that if that happened
i would put on the strongest nz accent i could muster
and say that i had no idea what "dusk" was
and m2 would just nod
and i would say she was my mute sister
so we had it all planned
and we drifted around
under the stars
talked about life. love. losing ourselves and figuring it all out.
and now i have REM stuck in my head

this morning

hit 'snooze' too many times
running late as always
hair barely dry from the shower
no time for even a seven second smoothie on the way out of the door
hoping i have everything i need
hunting for keys
about to get in my car
and i spy this little insect
beautiful colors
patterns
had to take a picture
moments like this
i hit pause
and it's good for me.

green. grass.

i've been thinking about the whole concept of the 'grass is greener elsewhere' a lot recently.
always chasing dreams.
wanting something that i don't have.
wishing i was somewhere else.
thinking that if i was there.
doing a, b, or c.
or with x, y, z.
it would all be different.
it would be perfect.
right?

but in my zig zagging across this globe
through too many moves
too many boxes packed and shipped
numerous goodbye parties
and tearful hugs goodbye
and suitcases
and airports
way too many airports
i've learned the hard way that the grass is never really greener.
it's usually just different.
in good ways and bad ways.
but in my experience it all evens out.

and i end up back where i started
wondering if that other place
or some new place would be better.

and so the cycle continues.

when i moved to the states this time around i really made sure that i had every intention of being here long term. i cast out the idea of living anywhere but the united states of america. i wanted to wholeheartedly throw myself into my new 'home' and make the very best of it. at the time the plan was boston or nyc. or perhaps somewhere out west. nashville, tennessee wasn't even on the radar. and yet, here is where i ended up.

and i'm trying. really hard to not constantly want to be someplace else. to make the most of it. right now. because the truth is i could be anywhere i wanted to be. i have nothing holding me to any plot of land on this planet. i could pack a bag and drive. to mexico. or up to canada. i could fly back to australia and live in the desert. probably not very contendedly. but if i wanted to, i could. i could go out to san diego. or belize. or stewart island off the coast of new zealand. and knowing that i could be anywhere makes being in one place that much harder but it also makes me realize that the choice is mine. it always has been and once you make the decision to be somewhere (the same goes for being with someone) you can make it work for you. or fight it every step of the way.

i don't have the energy to be discontent these days. it is much easier to walk across that bridge to work every day, feel the sun beating down, and smile at strangers that pass me by. today i was taken out to lunch to another great restaurant that is off the beaten track and very much my style and as i learn more about this city i grow to like being here more and get over all my preconceived notions of how it would be to live here.

i remember once telling a close friend that i would never live in the south. i said it with such vehemence that anyone within earshot would have been convinced that golriz in the southern states was a total no-go. but here i am. and finally i'm realizing when you sit still for a minute and appreciate what you have, the grass is actually green enough.

x

the little things

apartment hunting in a city you've never lived in isn't easy. you don't know the good areas from the great. you don't really know what is a deal or how long you will have to sit in traffic when you drive to the job you don't yet have...it's risky. i think the reason we settled on this apartment complex has a lot to do with being suckered in by the geese family that happily waddled from the pond and across the driveway as we drove in. we stopped and we smiled. i'm sure we said 'aw'. in unison perhaps. you kind of had to. it was so picturesque and straight out of a glossy magazine or a disney movie.

i remember bringing m2 to the apartment when she was thinking of moving in. she saw the little lake, the father and son fishing off to the side, and the geese had just had goslings (wow. where did i pull that from?!) and she too was won over.

well. the novelty of geese faded. fast.

these days i'll be running 20 minutes late to work, speeding down the drive and there they are. the geese family. strutting across the road like they own the place. not caring that i'm about two inches from running over them. they nonchalantly stroll along. sometimes waiting for the slowest one of the group to catch up...they act like they have all the time in the world and it takes every. ounce. of my patience to not just plough through their little street parade.

but today as i drove home from work i had my mind on so many things. and then i pulled into the drive and those geese had all lined up ready to cross just as i approached. i stopped my car and watched them. and it was one of those moments where you are glad to have paused in your day to appreciate the little things that you usually miss. they crossed in less than 20 seconds and in that brief timeframe my mood went from angst to appreciative.

distracted. blog. about. nothing. in. particular.

tonight jc went shopping.
i needed bananas for my magic-bullet-smoothie-breakfast-of-champions.
there was a bit of hysteria on my end when he called and said there were no bananas left.
the idea of no bananas sort of terrifies me. because they are a staple in my life. sweet and delicious. carefully packaged by nature. so versatile. i could go on...but i know i've already lost you. probably back at 'packaged by nature'...
(side story: when i was living in australia in 2006 there was some cyclone that damaged all the banana crops/trees/farms/plants (?) and instead of importing bananas, they (not sure who 'they' is) tried to support the farmers by selling the few bananas that survived at steep prices. basically the cost of one measly banana was equivalent to a snickers bar. so they became a hot commodity. and i realized how much i had taken them for granted my whole life. i began craving bananas. and it was awful because you would go to a restaurant and all the banana items were crossed off. no banana splits. or bananas in my oatmeal. or banana shakes. even the smoothie places had to use 'banana substitute' whatever that is.) so i was quite concerned about the sudden void of bananas at the store. especially because this was happening in america. and america has everything. even things you don't want. like massive green pickles floating in pickle juice in plastic bags. but here in america you can pick these up at the gas station for less than a dollar. what is not to love about that? things. and you'd thought you'd seen it all.

but then he found a bunch in the cereal aisle.
panic stations averted.
tonight jc was also introduced to the health food section. this is a step in the right direction for a guy who eats bagged salad. i'm so proud of him for navigating those aisles and picking up chai and organic burritos. sure, they are still out of a package but he'll be marinating tofu in no time mark my words.

**

another productive monday night here at hillmeade...i cut m2's FRINGE - yes, meredith, that's what we say in New Zealand. can you handle it? fringe. fringe. fringe. not bangs. nope.

and then we ended up posing for pictures with scissors in hand. i've never been around two people who are as enthusiastic as i am to document all the mundane day-to-day moments of life.

**
what i need...okay, what i want:

an artist that can sculpt large objects out of tins of spam. i'm serious.
m2 NOT to show me her tonsil stones.
tickets to hootie and the blowfish.
a hairdryer because SOMEONE blew mine up and i haven't had time to get another.
an iphone.
a day that is not one hundred degrees.
art for my walls.

happy birthday to mymumandninaaaaaaa. happy birthday to you.

two people i love both had birthdays recently.
one being my mum.
and one being nina mcsweeney.

my mum's birthday is the 18th or the 20th or the 22nd. it depends on whether you go by her passport, or her birth certificate or what my grandmother says. i don't know why there is so much ambiguity about it but this comes in handy when you forget the exact date because as long as you remember it's sometime near the end of august you can't go wrong. so happy birthday mum. oh and remember the time that i wanted a party and you said that birthdays promoted materialism so you wouldn't let me have one, and then you called all my friends the DAY OF my birthday and invited them over so they wouldn't have time to get me presents? yeah...i still haven't forgotten that crafty move.

and nina's birthday was on the 18th.

i could write an epic about nina. she is talented. hilarious. beautiful. and so much fun. you cannot be around her and not be having an adventure of some sort. it's impossible. we first met when i was about 14. i went to a summer camp and the boy that i had a crush on, had a crush on her. it was a travesty of epic proportions. i decided to ruin her life. or at least her first two days of camp. but then on day three i realized that she was great. and way more fun than the boy i was torn up about. so i got over the fact that she had stolen the limelight and we became fast friends and to this day she is one of my favorite people on this planet.

we don't see enough of each other due to the fact that i can't sit still and flights to nz are not cheap but she is one of those people that i miss constantly and when we are together it is like no time has passed and we pick up where we left off.

happy birthday lovely!

language | barrier

even though we both speak english m2 and i manage to have a conversation at least once a day which goes something along these lines:

i say something
she says 'what?!' in an accusatory tone like i just blasphemed.
i repeat it
she says 'golriz! NO ONE says that'. (because she is the authority on what everyone says. didn't you know?)
i assure her that people DO say it.
and she says 'um. no. no they don't.

and so it goes.

today i told her i was 'running on the spot'. (don't ask why i was running on the spot) (because that's not the point of the story) (although it would probably make for a good story) (but let's get back to the issue at hand).

and she had NO clue what i was talking about.

so i repeated it. and then even elaborated...'you know, i'm running, but not around, just in one particular spot.'

she was still confused.

so, america - is this true? no one here says 'running on the spot' when you are running. on. the. spot? so what do you say? huh? huh?

and speaking of speaking. i am the new voice of TPAC. well not really. but when you are watching TV in nashville and you see a commercial for the Tennessee Performing Arts Center you will also hear my voice at the end of the commercial telling you the details of the show and and how to purchase tickets. The editor of the TV spots thinks that my New Zealand accent will be a point of difference to all the other commercials and result in people paying more attention. I think it is funny that he thinks I have an NZ accent, because all of my NZ friends spend at least the first four minutes of any phone conversation with me laughing and mocking my 'American' accent.

**

in other news, my navigation skills have not improved. on friday night i spent 10 minutes pouring over the map i keep in my car to figure out how to get from point (a) to point (b) and then I double-checked with someone who was also leaving the party. and then another friend came out to reiterate the directions back to my place. and then as both of these people drove behind me and followed me out of the apartment complex i got lost. while STILL in the apartment complex. before i even hit real roads I was lost. and having to do a 8 point turn to get back on track.

yeah. there is no hope for me.

**

so...this little segment is for you.
cryptic i know. but you know who you are.
it was good to talk. easier than imagined.
good to clear up misunderstandings.
as always, unable to resist scheming and dreaming.


are you ready for this?
**

a weekend that finally felt like a weekend should

i may not have alluded to it on this space but i was close to hitting that proverbial "wall" by friday of last week.
i think those closest to me could tell that i wasn't my usual 'i can survive on next to no sleep' self. so my plan for the weekend was to relax. with a capital R. underlined. and in bold. and maybe even throw in italics.

and that is exactly what i did. i cleared my schedule of all the things i thought i should do, and all the plans i had made and spent two days doing whatever i wanted to do.

and it was perfect.

m2 and i spent the daylight hours at the pool. getting on our floaties gracefully proved next to impossible. what should have been a simple manoever became an acrobatic feat involving tangled limbs and uncooperative bikinis and laughing so hard that we couldn't breathe. once securely positioned on our 'rafts' we whiled away the hours sharing stories and trying to block out the-three year-old-professional-annoying-noise-producer and her mother-who-was-equally-annoying-and-perhaps-even-more-high-pitched-in-tone-if-that-is-at-all-possible.

i had henry with me this weekend and i fell in love with him all over again. he was hot - no surprise since it is still over 100 degrees here - problem is, he hates the water. he is terrified of it. even rain. BUT after much panting, and doing several laps around the pool, and some encouragement by me, he gingerly treaded onto my floatie and we bobbed around in the water. it could have been a disaster. after all he does have claws and i was basically hanging out on a $2 balloon. but he sat with quivering legs, one ear flopped back in concern and just trusted that i would keep him safe. yeah...endearing is an understatement.

so anyway. i feel a lot better. ready to tackle monday. and this week. and the rest of this month. and the rest of this year.

amazing what one great weekend can do.

why everyone needs a ryan lash in their lives.

this extract from his blog is why ryan is one of my favorite people - he is commenting (sarcastically) about 'innovative' features that airlines can offer:

iii) a plane that can't be hijacked by cutlery. I mean, plastic knifes are fun and all, but when your hand slips because the plastic knife has softened up while cutting your hot entree, and you slice your hand open on the edge of the metal chinese-takeout tray (which, ironically, is as sharp as a samurai blade), it's hard to get the flight attendent's attention for a bandage without bleeding all over yourself.

you can read the rest here www.departureflounge.blogspot.com

and be awestruck by his photography here www.flickr.com/photos/departurelounge/3158640/

blog post numero one hundred

one would hope that i would have something groundbreaking to say in my hundreth post. but i'm sorry to dissapoint.

i did want to show you the papermache rooster that m2 has in her room. everytime i walk by her room it is looking at me with its beady eyes. it is creepy.

it's still hot here. 99 degrees. i don't even remember what cool air feels like. or rain. if it rained i think i would go outside and jump in puddles. i'd be THAT excited.

i'm looking forward to the weekend. but that's nothing new.
i have no big plans. and i love that. and that is new.
perhaps pool. staying cool.
sorry, i slept at 4am last night. late nights affect my coherency.
is coherency a real word?
i invent words like it is my job.
but i think that coherency might actually be a real word.
like hilarity.
which is also a real word. even though someone stopped me mid sentence recently and asked me if i made it up.

today was fun.
had lunch with a friend i don't see enough.
the food was fantastic.
the conversation was even better.
lately i don't have a lack of stories. that's for sure.

the day zoomed by.
and then i was heading back over the bridge. listening to crowded house.
tonight involved a birthday party.
i didn't really know the birthday boy.
so it was more than just a little awkward when he walked in and i yelled SURPRISE and he was thinking 'umm, who are you?'
i did eat the best icecream cake of my life.

and finally, today i saw my first real live iphone. and the gadget lover in me was pretty much instantly enamoured.

wishing you all a weekend full of whatever you need the most.

x

table. time.

too hot.

it is way too hot in nashville these days.

106 degrees...look - i took a picture.

this feels like you are being steamed. like edamame. not good.

and now i feel like eating edamame.

and so it goes...

today m2 forwarded me pictures from an event held at caa a few months ago. as always, we are the world's biggest posers.

i had forgotten that this photo was even taken and seeing it made me think about how recent days/weeks/months have zoomed by...leaving me breathless and a bit disorientated.

i often tell myself that i need to slow down. take more deep breaths and carve out 'alone time', but i've also enjoyed being an active participant in my life. acting on impulses. basking in new friendships. staying awake till 3am thinking about all the possible outcomes. going in directions never before considered. being in the moment. taking risks. making tough choices. and feeling it every step of the way. it's been an exhausting, exciting, fragile year so far. but i don't think i would do any of it differently.

and there is always more to come. more of the good. more of the bad. and hopefully a lot more of the amazingly great. because really, that is what we are all looking for. and i'm a big believer that it is out there. and often not too far out of reach.

so. i guess the point is to go after those things that infuse color and brilliance into your world. and once you have them, hold on tight.

excerpts from the rollercoaster ride

just got back from a long walk.
hot night.
stars were out.
you smelled like clean clothes and summer.
i always want to walk too fast.
you always ask me to slow down.
maybe it all comes down to that.

**

in response to a short summary of the past 6 months of my life a good friend wrote back one word: 'what?'
it was the most perfect response to date.

**

today i ate the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
3 cheese quiche.
it was delicious. every single meal.

**

i get lost all the time.
it's starting to bother me.
i mean, it's not like nashville is even that big.
so why is it that i'm always off course and heading towards the back woods of tennessee?

**

there is always more to do at work. i don't like the feeling of leaving and not ever being 'finished'.
but i still enjoy what i'm doing. it actually interests me. which is pretty great.
someone once described a job that i think would be tedious (accountant) as "csi with numbers". i love it when people are passionate about what they do. and in turn, can convey that. if you don't enjoy what you spend the greater portion of your day doing, then should you be doing it? i don't know. that seeems like a lot of wasted time and energy.

**

things i am excited about:

visits from friends. old and new.
the leaves changing color in autumn.
a potential trip to austin.
decorating and designing my space.
the fact that i have lots of fresh limes in my fridge which i pretty much eat whole.

**

when you took out my trash today i was reminded as to why you stood out in the first place. a simple act. no agenda. other than doing the right thing. leaving a place better than you found it. being helpful. it meant more to me than you know. or than i could tell you. but since you won't read this, one day i will tell you. because those are the things you always wish you had said.

**

my mum is the best example i have of how to live a life without judgement of others, and giving the world your best. i don't remember one instance where she was rude to someone, or harsh in her speech, or vindictive, or patronizing, or complaining. that is pretty amazing if you ask me.

...one of these things is not like the other...

so you wanna hear how my important meeting went?

well this photo taken this morning AT THE OFFICE when I ARRIVED TO WORK for the SUPER IMPORTANT MEETING sums it up.

yeah...


THANKFULLY i wear flip flops to work so that i can trek across the bridge into the city. so i was able to at least wear shoes that match. if you can call flip flops 'shoes'.

the meeting actually went well. considering this is how my day began.

blue. summer. sky.

sunday highlights

- getting out of bed at 11.23am. sleeping in on sundays will never lose its novelty will it?

- b telling me to 'slow my roll'. i don't think anyone can say that to me that the way she does. i might have to go to austin in a couple of weeks to hang with her and my idol, ryan lash

- a heated 'saved by the bell' trivia competition

- jc calling me 'golkeeper' (you'd think that someone would have come up with this nickname a long time ago. but no. he's the first)

- hanging with diddy funnel cakes who is back from his touring extravaganza. this is a good thing since he was one of my first caa friends and in his absence lots has happened. for example, i got hugged by huie and addicted to peanut butter bars for breakfast

- sharing late night ice cream and scar stories. well, jc sharing scar stories, me eating ice cream and m2 dancing around the kitchen singing a song that went something like this: 'gotta keep moving so i don't pass out'

- the message received via carrier pigeon

**

tomorrow i have my first marketing advance meeting for spamalot - the anchor show for our broadway season. i'm a little nervous because it's my responsibility to ensure the day runs smoothly and it will be my introduction to a real live press agent. these people intimidate me because they are the 'go to' person for each show. basically an extension of the producers...so everything i do has to be approved by them. i jolted out of bed this morning after a stressful dream where i ran into the meeting at 10.13am and made a bad first impression. needless to say, i'm looking forward to the day that this sort of meeting no longer has me waking up in cold sweats.

**

in other news, i have the greatest friends in the world. i know i keep saying that but it's true.

**

the list of unattainable and attainable things i wanted today.

- less clutter
- a longer weekend
- dark chocolate covered almonds
- to take you up on the offer for an evening walk
- to be a few inches taller
- a way to sync three itunes libraries onto my ipod
- blik wall decals
- frames for the prints i purchased six months ago
- three weeks in nz this december
- my melbourne yoga instructor to move to nashville and open a studio within walking distance
- an art studio complete with dark room
- more time to read the pile of books next to my bed
- lenses for my new 'old' camera
- less freckles (okay Q, i take this one back...but don't have the expertise to do the strike through thing)
- the html code to strike through text
**

no rules. just right.

every now and then i crave outback steakhouse. outback has this menu item called the 'joey meal'. it's for kids under 10 - and it is a smaller size steak and a side. the perfect quantity and so this is what i always order. and if they say no...which rarely happens, i smile and point to their slogan on the menu to remind them that it says 'no rules, just right'. and then i get my way.

so if you ever go to this fine dining establishment (probably the only american chain restaurant i don't hold a grudge against) you too can try the 'no rules, just right' caveat. is that an appropriate use of caveat? is that even how it is spelled? i am not sure and i can't be bothered looking it up. hmm...my editing/publishing degree just makes more sense every day doesn't it?

**

often my weeknights consist of jc, m2 and i having 'table time'. this is when we gather around the table with our respective laptops and hold disjointed conversation and share stories that are always unfinished. inevitably one of us is inappropriately dressed. i don't want to point fingers. but let's just say it isn't me or jc. (look at me using the fancy strike through code). anyway i remembered that jc often wears dress socks (pulled up no less) with basketball shorts which is inappropriate also.

m2 and i decided to capture table time on camera. but it isn't the same without jc in the shot. and you really need to be there to hear the conversation which usually goes something like this:

jc: so then there was this great...
g to m2: oh wait. did i show you this picture?
m2: hold on i'm reading a survey...
jc: and...
m2: golriz! why are you playing weird music?
g: wow. read this
m2: bloke?! what is a bloke?
g: how do you not know what a bloke is? who are you?
m2: golriz! no one says that. oh dear.
jc: (voice trailing off)
g: sorry jc. i'm listening. finish the story
jc: okay so we were at this...
m2: aw...presh. she wrote about me.
g to m2: um why are you frowning?
m2: my eyes are hurting. i don't think i've taken my contacts out in four days
jc: (gives up telling the story)

it doesn't seem entertaining i know, but for whatever reason it is. and sometimes we'll mix things up with a zillapede spotting. zillapedes are basically centipedes on steroids. terrifying.

**
eclectic saturday playlist - on repeat

golden touch - razorlight
in repair - john mayer
can't stand me now - the libertines
world where you live - pearl jam
typical - mute math
slow dancing in a burning room - john mayer
flight direct - breakfast song
the greatest - cat power
distant sun - crowded house
to be alone with you - sufjan stevens
fear of fireflies - calla
such great heights - iron and wine
cannonball - damien rice

**

it's five thirty pm on a saturday. i might get out of my pjamas now. or i might not. depends if someone has a convincing enough argument for doing so.

**

for my sister...

dear anisa,

today i saw pictures of you on your myspace and suddenly you're no longer my forever-three-year-old sister but this young woman. with a whole lot of style.

seeing you brightened up my day and almost instantly i was flooded with memories of you. i remembered sitting with roshan in that new york city hospital waiting room, hoping and praying that mum was okay...that YOU were okay. and luckily you both were. well, except for mum's broken leg. and my paranoia of getting mugged again.

i remember the day you were born. i was at school and i got a call to the office. i left school early and came to the hospital to give you your first bath. maybe i did a bad job of it, since you are the only person i know that doesn't really like taking showers. or hot water in general.

carrying you around was like having the best accessory. you were smiley and adorable. raven black hair, big expressive eyes, and a winning personality. i really don't remember you crying or throwing tantrums...perhaps it was because you got so much attention you didn't need to act out. on weekends mum would put you in bed next to me and i'd wake up to your huge batty eyelashes grazing my face. i felt like the luckiest big sister in the world.

i definitely remember the day i came home to the makeup massacre. you'd taken all my lip glosses and mashed them all up together. i was left with a sticky mess and i wasn't allowed to be mad at you because you had no idea what you were doing. but i was still mad.

when you were three years old i went away for university and then to israel and then lived in maine. and while i was away you grew up. you started school, made friends, fell in love animals, became addicted to msn, began taking flute lessons, suffered the loss of numerous birds you had as pets, and i can't help but feel dissapointed that i wasn't there for all that growing. that i just got to experience you in bite size portions once a year...

the last few months in australia we probably spent the most time together. after all we were living in a shed. so it was natural that we would bond. i loved dragging you with me on walks with henry around the neighborhood. it was on those walks that we really talked to each other. and it felt amazing being able to confide in you. and have you do the same.

there are things i want to tell you. things that i hope you can learn from my experiences and not have to go through yourself. but i also know that we all have to forge our own paths and that involves making mistakes. but i'm still going to tell you some of the things that i wish someone had sat me down and told me at fourteen.

firstly, school does matter and before you stop reading this and switch to youtube hear me out...what matters the most about school is finding out what you are good at, and becoming excellent at it. whatever that is. i really wish that instead of following the crowd and doing the conventional thing by going to the same uni all my friends did, that i had gone to a film school. it was something i had always wanted and yet i picked the safer option, the reputable school, the generic bachelors degree. don't get me wrong, i loved uni...but did i come out with any tangible skills? um. no. i did get to skim read a lot of books and write a lot of papers about things i didn't care about. so. find out what it is you love. and find out what you need to do, in order to do what you love. and if that happens to be fashion design school in italy. then get yourself to italy. i'll always back you up if you are doing things you are passionate about. don't settle for mediocre.

the same goes for the people you let into your life...choose wisely and treat them well. i know that at fourteen you think that the friends you have now will be there forever. and some of them might. but the majority you will lose touch with. even in the days of myspace. because life goes on and you will always make more friends and the more friends you make, some of them drop off your radar...and one day you realize that you have no idea where that girl is that you talked to every day on the phone for three hours during highschool. on the other hand, there will be friends that you are making now that will be in your life, FOR life. those are the special few that you carve out a place for in your heart. don't take them for granted. don't let distance or different life paths come between you. some of my closest friends i have had since i was 8 years old. and to this day we still talk, and i'm so grateful to have them as constants in my life.

laugh. a lot. and surround yourself with people that make you laugh. and smile.

be kind. highschool involves so much drama. try and rise above it. don't try to make anyone feel inferior to you. or leave someone out of your circle. don't worry so much about being popular. if you are who i know you to be, you will always be a magnet for friends. you don't need to cut anyone down. you're not in competition with anyone else. you are unique and no one compares to you.

and as for boys. well all i can say about this is call me. whenever. i will always listen. i can't promise that i won't try to give you advice. or that i won't hold you accountable to some pretty high standards...but i will listen.

hug mum and dad and tell them that you love them. at least as much as you do your friends.

drink lots of water.

trust your intuition. if you are in a situation that feels wrong, get out of it. there is always another option. there is nothing that you ever HAVE to do.

ask for what you need. but ask nicely.

don't spend too many hours in front of a screen. there is a real world out there. interact with it. go for walks. do cartwheels down long empty hallways, experience how much better food tastes when you are outside, plant a tree, create art, stretch, find one author you love and read all of their books, sing along with the radio, be honest with others and yourself.

above all, know that i love you and i am. always. here. for. you.

x

more mug madness

i'm sorry if you are tired of all this mug talk. but i had to show you my work mug. if only because it is a tad on the scary side. it is an 'annie' mug. you know, orphan annie? i don't know why orphan annie has gaping white holes for eyes. but on my mug she does. should i ever leave TPAC, i'm taking the mug with me. to add to my collection. and to scare guests with.

in other news nashville is still hot. too hot. we are at 109 today...even now, it's pitch black outside so you can't blame the sun and it is still that hot. and to add to the fun the a/c at my apartment is broken. the timing is impeccable. the a/c man called me a little while ago and said he wouldn't be here until tomorrow morning because he had 9 other units to fix. i told him that by the time he arrived i'd be in a liquid state because i'm melting. he wasn't phased. i guess he's heard a lot worse tonight.

today i thought of two random things as i was walking back to my car over the bridge...one was that when you are landing/taking off (basically not flying above the clouds) american school buses look like gold ingots from up above. it's especially cool when they are all parked together...look out for this next time you are flying over the us-of-a.

the other thought i had (and i warned you it was random) was that one of my favorite moments is the fraction of a second just before two hands hold. in general i'm not an avid hand holder. i'm an arm linker or an arms loosely around each others backs person...except that i have a secret hand hold. which is so much better than the ordinary conventional hold. or even the variations that i've seen. anyway. it's amazing how firm my belief is that no one else has ever thought to hold hands in this particular, unique way. i feel like i came up with it. ridiculous. i know.

had a long overdue talk with a good friend tonight. it is amazing how a year ago i had no idea this person existed and now they are one of my favorite people. if only because they give me sound advice without any expectation that i will follow it. and no reprimanding when i choose not to, and instead, make a mess of everything. it's a situation where they could easily say 'i told you so' but they don't. and that makes me even more grateful for their friendship.

i've run out of chilled watermelon. i wonder if the 'no swimming after dusk' rule applies on nights this hot? rules shmules.

xg

p.s. who needs an iphone when you get text messages signed off with this: |sent from my iprosthetic leg.

i saw the sign (i dare you not to have ace of base stuck in your head)

i find certain street signs funny...these two gems were caught on my walk today. i love the first because it makes the driveway seem like a robust triathlete. and the second because...well what does it mean? no cruising? cruising for what? who cruises? and why is it okay to cruise after those hours?

these other two pictures are taken from the bridge that i walk across every day going to and from my car to my office. ten minutes of being outside with my ipod in hand, trying to be a pedestrian in a city where everyone drives everywhere. and the last photo is the view from the window of my office. i love having a view. especially since my last office resembled cave fit for hibernating bears. not only did it not have one single window, or even a skylight, but we wouldn't turn the overhead lights on, just a lamp in the corner. so now having three huge windows is a novelty that i'm not taking for granted.

clickety click snappity snap

i don't really know why i had the urge to step outside into the steamy air of nashville today (100 degrees people (!) - 37.7 degrees celcius, otherwise known as MELT YOUR ORGANS HOT). but i did. i went for an hour long walk during my lunch break and took some pictures of this new home of mine.

it's still strange for me when i tell people i live in nashville. i feel like it doesn't quite sound right coming out of my mouth. the response is always the same 'why nashville?!' i wish i had a decent answer for this. but i don't. we came here on a road trip. it was supposed to just be for a week or so...we had a whole return journey planned out with stops in baltimore, dc, new york and boston. and yet, five months later, here i am. still. and even stranger perhaps, i'm happy to be here.

so here are some pictures taken in the city i currently call 'home'.

















tucked away





























i'm in love with this wall. and it loves me back. obviously.















the world's perception of nashville summed up in one sign

63 in a 45

so today i got my first speeding ticket. i was heading to work. and listening to a new compilation cd (thank you Q) and trying not to spill my delicious smoothie (have you missed the magic bullet references lately?) all over my top. blue flashing lights came up behind me and i knew that my luck had finally run out. mum, before you write me the inevitable email...i promise to be more careful.

angela took this picture of me tonight after the show we went to. and i like it. if only because i'm actually NOT smiling for a change. in fact, this is probably the look that the police officer got. somewhere between angry and defeated. and hot. nashville is too hot right now. too hot not to have an ocean nearby. gosh i miss the ocean.

i didn't even try to get out of the ticket. which is strange considering i love the chance to wheedle my way out of things. just ask jasmine sutton (highschool best friend) how i got away with not ONE detention my entire secondary school existence. including the time we flushed plastic fruit (stage props) down a toilet in the school auditorium and flooded the entire backstage area. i am almost too good and getting out of trouble.

i received some brilliant text messages today from someone who is fast becoming an expert in making me smile.

and now i'm wrapping up my day with pg tips tea. and chocolate. mmm. the dinner of champions.

how we roll

exhibit a,b and c of how to slip out of a party when you really no longer want to be there but don't want to offend your lovely host*.




*note, may backfire when you wake the neighbors noisy little dog

playing favorites

my friend isis once wrote that she felt bad for all the other mugs in her cupboards because she would always pick out the same one. i do the same thing. i play favorites with my dishes. weird maybe. but there you go.

in all my moves i have misplaced some of my favorites. they might have been given away, or left behind, or still in a box somewhere. dinner sets that match are fine. i mean, you need one set that goes together i guess. but i've become really partial to picking up random items and having a collection that clash.

my favorite mug right now used to live at CAA. no one ever seemed to pick it for their morning cup of coffee, so it was always available for me and morning tea drinking. i am not a big sunflower fan. i think my dislike began with the big trend in the mid nineties to decorate everything with them...my friends had them in their rooms, printed on t-shirts, covering their school books. i thought they were overbearing. and tacky. feelings haven't changed much. so it is surprising that my current mug features sunflowers. and is yellow. ochre i guess.

it isn't just the look but also the feel of this mug that i like. not too heavy, not too light. and it is large enough. america is good at big mugs. australia/nz not so great. mugs there are kinda small. three gulps and you're done. marabeth pointed this out when she came to visit me in melbourne. she actually thought about going out and buying a large mug, because she felt like all the ones at my parents place were like shot glasses in comparison to what she was used to.


anyway. how can i resist the lameness of saying 'here is a mug shot'.

i can't. obviously.