a little bit of this and a little bit of that. no carbs however.

there are so many moments in a day when i think 'i really should blog about this'. not just for my mum's reading pleasure but also because i want to remember those moments that will otherwise pass and be forgotten about in the blur that is 'my life'.

the 'grawlz' moment is definitely one of them. there is an agent at my work who is a bit of a legend in his own right. i didn't know if he even knew i existed but it appears he does. the other day i went into the kitchen to make some tea and he was there...i braced myself for awkward colleague-i-don't-know-well-in-the-kitchen-talk (you know how that can be)...and it went something like this:

"so grawlz, are we selling lots of tickets?"

"yep, too many for me to count!"

the beauty of this interaction was not my dorky response, but that I was totally not phased by just having been called Grawlz. I reacted like it was my name. the name my parents gave me. baby grawlz. the most natural, normal name in the world. a variation on my name that i couldn't have dreamt up but i really love.

**

writing a blog is a weird experience in itself. that delicate balance of what to write, how much to share, who your audience
is...how honest to be. most of my favorite bloggers are very honest. but i guess that could also be an illusion. afterall i don't really know them. so they could just be playing a 'part' or being selective about what they choose to share. but that's not so different to real life. are we ever 100% honest about what we think, feel, want, need?

today i needed a hug. it is so hard to ask for a hug. have you tried? i haven't...but that is because it isn't like asking for the salt. or the remote control. or the price of something.

**

m2 and i are doing a 'cleanse' with another work friend. it involves eating this vegetable soup and basically fruits and vegetables. and fruit. and soup. oh. and vegetables. did i mention the soup? and the vegetables? oh good. so that covers it.

but not just any fruit. no bananas until 'banana day' and no starchy vegetables until baked potato night (tomorrow). so after 7 days of this we are supposed to feel full of energy and verve and not crave sugar any more. that will be a nice feeling since right now i feel like i would trade my future first born for an icecream sundae. or a slice of bread. it's only day one. you can see where this is going can't you?

as i mentioned a huge part of this cleanse is eating fruit. m2 happens to be totally allergic to every fruit she puts in her mouth. every couple of hours she'll point out her puffy upper lip and say "see. look what happened. i ate an apple".

my favorite was when she gobbled half a cantelope and then told me (AFTER EATING THE AFOREMENTIONED CANTELOPE):

"hey, I'm allergic to cantelope"

"what do you mean allergic?"

"well, my throat gets kinda scratchy and closes up"

"um. WHAT?!"

"yeah...I'm allergic to lots of fruit"

wow. so glad that my CPR class is going to finally come in handy.

**

days are passing. weeks are zooming by. nearly july. today is my sister's birthday (happy birthday anisa!). i can't believe my little sister is fourteen. i remember fourteen. well, not really. i do remember being boy crazy and talking on the phone for hours with my bestfriend jasmine. about boys i'm sure. and about how to talk our parents into letting us go to some party over the weekend. i wonder if much has changed. but i'm guessing not. the medium might have changed from phone conversations to myspace/facebook/IM. but i'm sure it's the same conversations.

**

i receieved a postcard in the mail today.
it made me smile.
and not just because i love receiving real mail.

**

i can hear thunder outside. i love thunder storms.
i love rain. especially tennessee rain. it doesn't play around. if it rains. it pours. drenches the ground. comes at you sideways. there is no escape.
i love how music is an integral part of my day and that when i'm listening to the ipod it gives the world around me a soundtrack and makes it more beautiful somehow. light filters differently and colors are more saturated.
i love that i've organized a lazy weekend by the pool with one of my favorite people
i love that i'm finally putting aside my nostalgia for my melbourne yoga classes and going to a class here in nashville on sunday
i love t-shirt sheets

i don't love the fact that goodbyes at airports are inevitable

**

go Kats!

last nights escapades included going to an american football arena game. my very first one. and maybe not my last.

highlights included the people watching opportunities, the fine cuisine of nachos, hot dogs and my new favorite food: waffle cakes, and the fact that our team (see, I even have a team) won. the let down of the evening had to be the aptly named cheerleaders - the kittens - who were actually quite scary and not cute like kittens should be.

i even learned the lingo of the game. and the scoring. well, sort of.

it was actually a really exciting game...in the final minutes of it i was definitely one of those people standing up and yelling. i don't know what i was yelling. but the rest of the crowd was acting in the same inappropriate manner so i blended in. i now know some of the players by name. and i know that there is one called 'bird man' and when you see him you wave your arms in a bird like fashion and make a bird sound. a sound i have yet to master. but i know who you can get lessons from.

meredith claire

hey world, meet my roommate.

the girl that keeps me up to three am. the girl i have to wake up every morning so that we are only 20 minutes late to work instead of oh i don't know, not showing up at all.

there are things about m2 that you should know. things like the fact that she feels it necessary to take pictures of all her ailments and to tell me about them in graphic detail. like her tonsil stones. or her enlarged taste buds. why i need to see them is a mystery to me but she feels compelled to share.

m2's car is broken. this means that we carpool to work. this could otherwise be known as the 10 minutes a day that meredith grips the arm rest tightly because golriz is paying less attention to the road and more to...well other things. the daily morning smoothie. finding the right track on the cd. breathing. you know. things that require attention.

she's in 'transition' so some of her stuff is here, and some of it in her car, and some in her old apartment. i think this makes her feel like anything belongs anywhere. like her bra. it could be the first thing you see on the floor if you walked into my place. i'm just warning you.

i'll also warn you that she will say the word 'presh' (short for precious) OH about every other word.

but you know what. she is adorable. hilarious. loving. an amazing girlfriend to her boy JC. and if you met her you would love her too.

the day started with tea in pink mugs and ended with perhaps one too many pairs of new shoes.

things that made me smile today included...

- a new acquaintance asking me what language people speak in NZ
- a delicious mocha frappe at 3pm care of agent notch 7
- trading adventures with jen-jack-rabbit
- the three minutes of sunshine i got to go out and enjoy on my lunch break
- knowing that one of my favorite people is visiting my favorite city
- making M2 hold our stinking trash out of the car while i drove to the dumpster (because it was dripping and i wouldn't leave it behind on the curb)
- finishing work the same time as the rest of the office on a ticket count day(!)

laughter and the need for more of it

i love that in such a short amount of time i have found friends in nashville who i think are wonderful.

my workplace happens to contain some pretty amazing people and i am already so grateful for M2 and the hilarity she provides me on a consistent basis. grocery store shopping is definitely more of an experience with a girl who swears by spray-on-butter and frozen pizza. two 'foods' i will not be ingesting any time soon. we did buy more smoothie supplies so the magic bullet will be in action tomorrow morning. seven seconds to superb smoothie sensations. have i mentioned i adore this contraption? i should be the official spokesperson.

i'm making a trip soon people. a trip to london to visit the queen. i am so excited. soon i will start counting down in 'sleeps' but not yet.

bewildered at bonnaroo

bonnaroo first impressions

a huge field with little shade and lots of dust.

hot summer sun beating down.

eighty thousand nearly naked hippies from all over the us of a.

and an amazing line up of music.

favorite shows included my boyfriend ben harper, bang bang bang, michael franti, john butler trio and of course the legendary police.

i managed to avoid sunburn.
and drugs that would induce behavior such as interpretative dancing to damien rice (video to be uploaded shortly).
roo the bonna



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so basically it was a great weekend!

x

cheesy eggs and hash browns a.k.a. breakfast for dinner

over the weekend i caved into peer pressure and did something i had vowed never to do. walked into a waffle house AND ate there.

since it was my first waffle house experience the staff showered me with attention and i received not only an official waffle house hat but also my very own name badge. i assume this means that i can start working shifts at waffle house if i end up jobless. good to keep my options open.

how to win me over...

mail me a package of all things NZ...including my favorite cookie time cookies - apricot & chocolate chunk. YUM.

cut off

so today i got my hair cut. it was a big step for me...i know it is just hair. it grows. i've had it short before. but for many reasons, some good, some bad, i was really attached to my long hair. it had become a bit of a security blanket. i was comfortable with it and it worked for me. until recently. with all the transitions i'm going through i often feel like i'm being swept up in some tide...and i'm not the strongest swimmer. when i surface for air i've found that a lot of what i thought I was doing for 'me', has actually been for someone else. a construct of what I Should be. Could be. If only I just Would be.

So this hair cut although simply JUST a hair cut, became a lot more to me...and I almost backed out...even when I sat in the chair and my glamorous stylist took out her scissors. I almost told her to forget all about it. But I didn't. I steeled myself and went through with it. and layers of my past fell to the floor with each tangled lock. I feel free and light.

I feel great.

say hello to karen

we did.

suddenly sweet.

today conisisted of:
sunshine.
henry and i lazing by the poolside.
ipod set on a brilliant playlist.
aviators on.
delicious berry smoothie made with the MAGIC BULLET.

life today seemed incredibly sweet.
spoke to several friends both far and near.
basked in the sound of familiar voices.

happy to be here.
hope you're happy too.

x

my new roomie rocks.

still a tourist.

please take a moment to appreciate the 'art' in the background

standing still

i have found that in recent days, weeks, months i never seem to be standing still. i am always going somewhere, coming back from some place...moving, driving, flying, running. there is a constant sense of motion. physically, mentally, emotionally - i'm caught up in momentum.

i think it's been somewhat hard to just sit still and 'be'. and so the distraction of always having something to do, someone to see, somewhere else to go has been something i've relied on. but it may be time to sit still for a bit. observe. and untangle from this race i'm caught up in.

after work today marabeth and i had a lovely dinner at amerigos (delicious arugula salad with flame grilled apples and salmon) and went to mercy lounge to see an afro cuban drum/dance ensemble and a 14 piece salsa orchestra. color, amazing beats, dance...it was all there but i felt disconnected from it all and just stood to the side and observed while bodies around me pulsed with movement and tore up the dance floor with flair.

each day i'm understanding more. learning more. overall i feel good. content. sitting on the deck at work today with M2, eating leftovers from the work BBQ and surrounded by a warm breeze. I love those moments when you realize that there is no where else you would really want to be.

someone told me i was a gypsy the other day and I really think that they are right.

i am making a big effort to act authentically. to speak with honesty. i think i am too good at only delivering half the truth, and so it is important that i learn how to be true to myself, and with others. it takes vulnerability which is something i fight feeling. but i do think it makes for healthier relationships. stripping away the games that we play, looking each other in the eyes and being real about what we are thinking.

do we do this enough? i don't know. i'm working on it.

xg

how to make me miss melbourne more than i thought possible...

I LOVE MY FRIENDS.

xg

my favorites are the ones with the roosters.

so there is a store in murfreesboro called marti & liz's. it is a shoe outlet that sells designer label shoes for super low prices. no one has figured out how they do it. but they do.

this store is one of marabeth's all time favorites and we make a trip there every month or so because well, shoes are fun. and who doesn't need a pair of turquoise michael kors heels?

yesterday on the birthday shopping extravaganza we stopped by and for some reason leanna kept finding the ugliest shoes imaginable to show us. it was painful to think that someone had not only come up with the design but then had it PRODUCED into a shoe. for a real live person to wear. we took pictures of the top 6 ugliest for your viewing pleasure.

day-of-birth

i had such a wonderful birthday. leanna and marabeth whisked me off at 10 for brunch at marche, a divine french artisan restaurant. i felt like i had stepped out of nashville into paris, what with the lattes served in big bowls, and crepes mmm. They even serve little bowls of NUTELLA with hot croissants, as if you needed to add to the decadency of steaming, fresh, hot croissants.

the ladies i brunched with are some of the most fabulous women i know. it was so great to be in their company and look around the table at glowing, happy, gorgeous friends.

spent the rest of the day in a whirlwind of fun, which culminated in some random taco bell bathroom where we got ready to go out (we were running late and didn't have time to go home). hilarity ensued as you can only imagine when three girls with limited resources and only the clothes they bought that day try to get ready for a night out.

got to the show a bit late, stuck around to watch some live music...and then went to the supermarket to buy smoothie supplies for my new MAGIC BULLET. it is amazing how much fun can be had in a kroger at 1 in the morning. Part of the fun involved me marching out of the store with a life size cardboard cut out of a basket ball player. but we won't go into that.



anyway. a brilliant day.

thanks for everyone's text messages, emails, calls...i will return them as soon as i feel more coherent.

x

a preferred member of the bucky covington fan club

that is who i received a message from this morning when i got to work. a two minute sixteen second message from a sobbing woman who is in hospital, or recently released from hospital, and her last dying wish is to talk to bucky covington. she cried through the entire message, spoke about losing her sight in one eye, having DHS take away her children, and the fact that she may no longer be alive on july 28th (the date bucky is doing a concert in her city). it was the saddest message i've ever heard. not just because of this poor womans situation, but moreover the fact that this was her greatest wish...her ultimate dream...to talk to bucky.

i don't know. i just found it incredibly sad.

we put so much of our faith, admiration and love into people we don't even know. there is nothing wrong with recognizing talent, but i guess celebrities are placed on such high pedestals. their 'human-ness' is forgotten. they become superheroes. and then inevitably they fall and falter and the world is aghast at the fact that maybe they are not perfect afterall. but human. and flawed. and trying just like everyone else.

i am so glad that i do not live my life under that constant scrutiny. i'm so glad that every morsel of food i put in my mouth isn't documented in US weekly, every break up isn't splashed on trashy tabloids, every pound gained or lost isn't speculated about by the masses.

anyway.

tomorrow my friends are picking me up at 10am and i have no idea where we are going. i love surprises.

i am not one to make new year's resolutions but i do hope that i can devote this next year of my life to me. as selfish as that sounds. i want to figure out who i am. what i want. where i'm going. where i've been. i want to have a sense of what i have to offer. and how i can live to my fullest potential. to take the lead role of this script and run with it.